Pulling up Roots

The last couple days have been spent in reflection especially in the evenings. This is not hard to do when there is hardly anything left in the apartment. All that remains are items that need to go with me to a temporary dwelling. As I look at what is left, it still seems like a lot but these are some things that cannot go into storage. Simply because they are not allowed and/or I will need them when I get back.

The last 4 years I have spent de-cluttering my place. It was tough at first but once started it has become easier over the years. For all that came into this little apartment 6 yrs ago and for that has gone out, I am still amazed at what remains. In a sense this de-cluttering was the start of my preparation for the upcoming journey. Over the last few years I have come to realize that I do not need a lot of material things, for I carry the memories and faces of everyone I know within my heart. To which I am happy to say has more room than an apartment.

For all that is still here waiting to be moved to a temporary home, the sounds within the apartment are louder and have a hollowness to them which becomes a reminder that this is no longer a home but a place of waiting to move on to the next stage of the journey. The cupboards are empty, the walls are bare and the air mattress all tell me that it is time to pull up roots and move on.

As far back as I can remember, I have always been nomadic. From the time I have learn how to walk, which was by 9 months, I have been on the go and love to travel & explore new places. As a family, we moved about 3 times within the same city and most of my summers were spent living with aunts and uncles. The first pulling up of roots would have been for university. Living in another city for 8 months of the year and being back at my parents place for about 4 months, to which I was hardly home when I was there. Mostly a place to sleep and eat when needed. Graduating from university, came a true pulling up of roots. Having an invite from a friend, I moved out to British Columbia with a suitcase, garment bag and a carry -on. Five years later, another up rooting. With a U-haul full of stuff, a cat and now a fiance, I was moving back to Ontario. This time it looked like roots were taking place with getting married, settling into a job and the wish to start a family. These were to be shallow roots in the soil of life. For the next up rooting in a sense was going through a divorce and trying to find a new place to live. This lead to the apartment that I have been in for the last 6 years.

Without realizing it, roots were starting to take place. Jobs came, jobs went. These were but shallow roots. The deeper roots came from the growth of new friends, deepening ties with some of my former in-laws, a church, a church family and a supporting life group. Plus the new community of friends, staff and professors that came from attending Bible college. All these have played an important part of who I am and are still an important part of my life to this very day. Along the way there has been some reconnection with family members, who were and are still very special to me. Before I knew it, these roots were growing quickly and deeply.

It is because of this I believe I am having a harder time in this uprooting. Many of my long term friends have been surprised at how long I have stayed in one spot, considering I really had nothing to tie me down. The reasons for this can only be from what I have stated above. The ties that have been made over the last few years, especially the last 2 years, have rooted deeply within me. Many know, just as I do, that this up coming journey is but the first step of many transitions yet to come. Knowing that what I own is in storage frees me up from the obligation of coming back to take care of a place that was considered to be home. For many, they know this is the freedom I have been longing for over the last few years. Yet the roots don't seem to want to let go.

However, the call to keep my hand on the plow and move forward goes way deeper than the ties of friendship and family. I am called to obey and no matter how much it will "hurt" to pull up these roots, I must obey the calling I hear. The spirit within me wants to soar like the eagle and run like the deer to this calling. Although my heart leaps for joy to plow forward, it also holds a sadness for those that I will leave behind. It always seems that those who are left behind by the one who leaves, feels a greater emptiness than the one who has left. For every friendship, conversation and memory made, I carry deep within my heart. A reminder that I am never alone or ever will be. When I remind myself of this than the up rooting becomes a little less painful.

Some roots are easy to pull out whereas others are a little tougher. My roots are being pulled out by the plow that my hand is on. As the plow moves forward, there will be a bit of pain but the knowledge of knowing that there are seeds being planted behind me keeps me looking forward in obedience. These are the seeds of friendship, family and love. They will grow whether I am here or not. I rest in the fact that they will be there whenever I come "home", be it for a short time or a long time.

The first transition of many starts tomorrow. I can either embrace it or dwell on what is being left behind. By dwelling on what I will be leaving behind makes me unfit for the work that lies ahead. So I am choosing to embrace what is to come with my eyes facing forward. Remembering that the work is ahead of me and not behind. The roots will be finally pulled out and a new adventure begins.

Blessings,

Rim