Back in April, shortly after graduating from college, many suggested that I start a blog so that they could follow where life is taking me. Well the last couple months have been extremely busy and chaotic. However, now as things are somewhat settling down, I am able to start a blog.
The title of the blog, Keeping the Hand on the Plow, is a reflection of the path that has been placed before me. It ties into a bible verse that suddenly became very clear to me one night after many years of not really understanding it. In order to understand, I will need to start the journey back to last year, back to October 2010 where it all began.
It was the beginning of October when I went for coffee with the Director of Field Education at college to talk over the possibility of internship for the next year for a BRE. After much discussion, she pointed out two things that she kept hearing; Mongolia and/or Bachelor of Theology of Missions. Once back in her office, we looked up the needed credits and requirements for a BTH Missions. When I got home, I sent off an email to an organization that I had looked into almost 2 years ago for the potential of working overseas teaching English. This was a good possibility for I had a BA and that was one of the requirements.This partnership started at the same time I was looking at getting into Bible College. During this time, one of my courses was The Gospel of Luke. It was here that a verse that I never fully understood started to become clearer. In class I had gained a better understanding of the meaning behind Luke 9: 62. It reads: " Jesus said to him, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." However, it was not till I was on the winter break from school that the truth of this verse became crystal clear to me.
While trying to get caught up on some much need sleep, the reality of this verse hit me one night. I was being called to a certain path and was being asked what was I going to do. Would I keep my hand on the plow and keep looking forward OR would I take my hand off the plow & I keep looking back. A decision had to be made, for whatever choice I made right then and there would affect my future. I have chosen to put my hand on the plow and look forward. This may seem like an easy choice but in it's reality it is not.
There has been bumps, trials and frustrations along the way since that decision was made. Having made the choice and realized what and where my calling was taking me,to Mongolia to teach English, it was a time of setting everything in motion. The time between October 2010 and January2011 was an extremely busy time of school and doing the much needed interviews and paper work . It was also a time of great highs and extreme lows.
The highs came from the many emails and phone interviews that were being done which seem to be confirming that I was on the right path. During this time there were only about 4 people , outside of college that was aware of what was going on. The only reason they knew was because they were asked to be references. For the most part I had kept what I was doing quiet. There was a lot happening and I wanted to be certain before I got this little bomb on those in my life. I was riding on a high with how everything was proceeding. Then the real world kicked in.
During this time the lows started kicking in and they kicked in hard and fast. There was the lost of a job, delays with EI,the struggles of paying the bills and just daily living, school stuff piling up which saw a dramatic drop in my marks, went from First Class Honours to below the Dean's List, and much more. To top it off, the documents that were sent to Denver as part of my application process were lost. According to the post office , they were in a black hole somewheres in the Denver post office. This was not good! Time was critical for everything needed to be done and taken care of before February if I was to leave in July for Mongolia.
Shortly after this, one night in December at my life group, it all came out. I was caught off guard when asked what was happening in my life. Normally, I would have prepared a way to let my group know without blurting it out but I was in such a low with everything that was happening to me that it all came stumbling out. It was quite a shock to them to realize that I was planning to be gone by July of this year. They have recovered since then and have been wonderful supporters in this journey. They were not the only ones caught off guard. My pastor was just as surprised especially since the last he knew I was Africa bound.
By the time the new year started it was obvious that my documents were not turning up and were now considered to be completely lost. So now a choice has to be made: do I look back or do I keep looking forward and trusting that He has the plans. Thanks to the organization that I am working with, they helped me keep looking forward. In a short time an answer came about that would keep me moving forward.
They had said that it is very rare that the documents get lost but had a solution. How did I feel about going to China this summer to be part of their Summer Teaching Program. After much reflection and time with Him, I came to realize that this was the next step. The 5.5 weeks in China assisting in teaching conversational English is my training ground to prepare me for Mongolia where I would be teaching English to high school teachers. The thought of teaching high school teachers did leave knots in my stomach, so having a chance to learn before being sent out to do this, is blessing to me.
So now the plow is moving forward in this path that has been set before me. As like anything else in my life there is no in between just extreme highs and extreme lows. Knowing that I would be gone for most of the summer, there were many decisions that had to be made. One of them was my apartment. With no job or even having a chance of one with me being away for so long, a choice had to be made. So before school ended I gave my 2 months noticed for my apartment and decided that if the hand was to be on the plow than a walk faith had to be lived. EI ran out at the beginning of May but the rent was covered and that was all that mattered. Yet somehow along the way the bills did get paid and there was groceries. Although it is getting a little more dicey now to keep everything covered. This is all part of walking in faith.
Just like trying to figure out what is happening for the fall when I get back from China. Many things were set in motion to take care of the fall, such as internship, place to live , school and so forth. It was all fitting into a neat little package. I had forgotten that my life does not fit into a neat little package. It never did and it probably never will. One by one the doors that I thought were part of this path were being shut. Getting a lot of "Nos" all at once can really do a person in. However, I can look back now and see that for each 'No' that was given has His hand on it. Each "No' that was given was being done to keep me moving & looking forward. I am blessed to have people in my life that are willing to listen to what He tells them and willing to support me and keep me moving forward according to His will.
So as I sit here surrounded by lots of packed boxes and listening to cds( they are always the last thing to get packed) there are many questions for the future especially for the fall. Will I get OSAP? Will it be enough to cover school? After house sitting for 2 weeks, where will I live? Will I raise enough funds in the next 5 months to get me to Mongolia? When I redo the tests, will they get lost again? Will I be able to find work? and many more. Although these questions keep popping up, I rest in the fact that it is not my worry at this time. These will be all answered when He is ready to answer them. It is all part and parcel of walking in faith and keeping the hand on the plow.
I know this was a fairly long blog but much needed to be written. Please bear in mind that how or what I write is being done so with the consideration to some of the areas that I will be heading into in the future. Like this summer. Out of respect for the organization, the people who I will be working with and the people I will be meeting, I have chosen my words very carefully. I ask that you do the same if you choose to leave a comment.
I am hoping to post on a fairly regular bases but it will all depend on the curves that life gives me. Till the next, keep looking forward and hold strong to your chosen path.
Blessings,
Rim.
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