As of yesterday at 6:30pm, I officially had everything removed from the place I called home for the last 6 yrs. I was very surprised to find myself getting a wee bit emotional about having to hand in a set of keys. It was harder than I thought. As my friend Carol and I stood there looking around at the emptiness, it dawned on me just what I was giving up. This was not just a home but a place my Father gave me when I had no where else to go. It was a place of independence and freedom. It was where I entertained and enjoyed the company of others to which some went late into the night. It was my sanctuary away from the craziness of the world. It was the first place that I had all to myself, I did not have to share it unless I wished to. Now, because I have chosen to keep my hand on the plow, this is in a sense is all gone. In a way, I can now be classified as "homeless" but only in the fact that I no longer have a home of my own.
Since I am not living on the streets but staying with a really good friend and her family, I fall under a different type of "homeless". It a way it is more of a transitional stage. There is no doubt in my mind that this is the first of many transitions to come.
My friend and her family made this first one bearable. By the time everything was done, it was supper time. I was amazed to see the fancy dinnerware and glasses being used for our meal. Whether or not this was intentional, it was very touching. The girls prepared and served the meal. It was a simple but lovely meal that was made with love. There is a comfort that is within this dwelling especially with the family themselves. Them having a couple dogs is a bonus.
The next transition comes in a few hours. First an overnight stay in San Francisco. This is but a mini transition along the way. Although it is brief, it will be where the resting and refocusing will begin. This is there I can finally start to get excited and focused on the next part of the journey. Then within 48hrs, off to China. This will be another transition and a much larger one.
What is to come? Only the Father knows. I just know what I have gone through up to this point. It has been a bone tiring, weary ride and I am exhausted. However, now that the roots have been "ripped" out and the time has finally arrived to move on, I feel that I can keep going. It is in the knowing that I am never really "homeless" for somewhere along the way there will always be a place for me to lay my head. Where I have been staying for the last 48hrs is a testimony to this. The love that has been given freely to me while here has helped to renew and remove much of the weariness that was within. Although I may be tired, the spirit within feels the need to soar to which will be set to flight in the next few hours.
Blessings,
Rim
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Pulling up Roots
The last couple days have been spent in reflection especially in the evenings. This is not hard to do when there is hardly anything left in the apartment. All that remains are items that need to go with me to a temporary dwelling. As I look at what is left, it still seems like a lot but these are some things that cannot go into storage. Simply because they are not allowed and/or I will need them when I get back.
The last 4 years I have spent de-cluttering my place. It was tough at first but once started it has become easier over the years. For all that came into this little apartment 6 yrs ago and for that has gone out, I am still amazed at what remains. In a sense this de-cluttering was the start of my preparation for the upcoming journey. Over the last few years I have come to realize that I do not need a lot of material things, for I carry the memories and faces of everyone I know within my heart. To which I am happy to say has more room than an apartment.
For all that is still here waiting to be moved to a temporary home, the sounds within the apartment are louder and have a hollowness to them which becomes a reminder that this is no longer a home but a place of waiting to move on to the next stage of the journey. The cupboards are empty, the walls are bare and the air mattress all tell me that it is time to pull up roots and move on.
As far back as I can remember, I have always been nomadic. From the time I have learn how to walk, which was by 9 months, I have been on the go and love to travel & explore new places. As a family, we moved about 3 times within the same city and most of my summers were spent living with aunts and uncles. The first pulling up of roots would have been for university. Living in another city for 8 months of the year and being back at my parents place for about 4 months, to which I was hardly home when I was there. Mostly a place to sleep and eat when needed. Graduating from university, came a true pulling up of roots. Having an invite from a friend, I moved out to British Columbia with a suitcase, garment bag and a carry -on. Five years later, another up rooting. With a U-haul full of stuff, a cat and now a fiance, I was moving back to Ontario. This time it looked like roots were taking place with getting married, settling into a job and the wish to start a family. These were to be shallow roots in the soil of life. For the next up rooting in a sense was going through a divorce and trying to find a new place to live. This lead to the apartment that I have been in for the last 6 years.
The last 4 years I have spent de-cluttering my place. It was tough at first but once started it has become easier over the years. For all that came into this little apartment 6 yrs ago and for that has gone out, I am still amazed at what remains. In a sense this de-cluttering was the start of my preparation for the upcoming journey. Over the last few years I have come to realize that I do not need a lot of material things, for I carry the memories and faces of everyone I know within my heart. To which I am happy to say has more room than an apartment.
For all that is still here waiting to be moved to a temporary home, the sounds within the apartment are louder and have a hollowness to them which becomes a reminder that this is no longer a home but a place of waiting to move on to the next stage of the journey. The cupboards are empty, the walls are bare and the air mattress all tell me that it is time to pull up roots and move on.
As far back as I can remember, I have always been nomadic. From the time I have learn how to walk, which was by 9 months, I have been on the go and love to travel & explore new places. As a family, we moved about 3 times within the same city and most of my summers were spent living with aunts and uncles. The first pulling up of roots would have been for university. Living in another city for 8 months of the year and being back at my parents place for about 4 months, to which I was hardly home when I was there. Mostly a place to sleep and eat when needed. Graduating from university, came a true pulling up of roots. Having an invite from a friend, I moved out to British Columbia with a suitcase, garment bag and a carry -on. Five years later, another up rooting. With a U-haul full of stuff, a cat and now a fiance, I was moving back to Ontario. This time it looked like roots were taking place with getting married, settling into a job and the wish to start a family. These were to be shallow roots in the soil of life. For the next up rooting in a sense was going through a divorce and trying to find a new place to live. This lead to the apartment that I have been in for the last 6 years.
Without realizing it, roots were starting to take place. Jobs came, jobs went. These were but shallow roots. The deeper roots came from the growth of new friends, deepening ties with some of my former in-laws, a church, a church family and a supporting life group. Plus the new community of friends, staff and professors that came from attending Bible college. All these have played an important part of who I am and are still an important part of my life to this very day. Along the way there has been some reconnection with family members, who were and are still very special to me. Before I knew it, these roots were growing quickly and deeply.
It is because of this I believe I am having a harder time in this uprooting. Many of my long term friends have been surprised at how long I have stayed in one spot, considering I really had nothing to tie me down. The reasons for this can only be from what I have stated above. The ties that have been made over the last few years, especially the last 2 years, have rooted deeply within me. Many know, just as I do, that this up coming journey is but the first step of many transitions yet to come. Knowing that what I own is in storage frees me up from the obligation of coming back to take care of a place that was considered to be home. For many, they know this is the freedom I have been longing for over the last few years. Yet the roots don't seem to want to let go.
However, the call to keep my hand on the plow and move forward goes way deeper than the ties of friendship and family. I am called to obey and no matter how much it will "hurt" to pull up these roots, I must obey the calling I hear. The spirit within me wants to soar like the eagle and run like the deer to this calling. Although my heart leaps for joy to plow forward, it also holds a sadness for those that I will leave behind. It always seems that those who are left behind by the one who leaves, feels a greater emptiness than the one who has left. For every friendship, conversation and memory made, I carry deep within my heart. A reminder that I am never alone or ever will be. When I remind myself of this than the up rooting becomes a little less painful.
Some roots are easy to pull out whereas others are a little tougher. My roots are being pulled out by the plow that my hand is on. As the plow moves forward, there will be a bit of pain but the knowledge of knowing that there are seeds being planted behind me keeps me looking forward in obedience. These are the seeds of friendship, family and love. They will grow whether I am here or not. I rest in the fact that they will be there whenever I come "home", be it for a short time or a long time.
The first transition of many starts tomorrow. I can either embrace it or dwell on what is being left behind. By dwelling on what I will be leaving behind makes me unfit for the work that lies ahead. So I am choosing to embrace what is to come with my eyes facing forward. Remembering that the work is ahead of me and not behind. The roots will be finally pulled out and a new adventure begins.
Blessings,
Rim
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Preparation
The last couple days have been tiring and taxing to say the least. As with anything in life there is sometimes a much needed preparation that has to be done before moving on. This has been the case since graduation , in April, with a slow build up to now.
For the last couple months much of my time has been spent in getting rid of items I no longer wanted, giving things away to people who could make use of them, setting forth the wheels for the possibility of returning to school to start my second degree in the fall, reuniting with people that I have been out of contact with since being in school, getting to know new people, preparing for my trip and much more such as the normal day to day stuff. All of this being part of the preparation that is needed before leaving.
It has been a long 2 months and I am feeling very worn out at this time. This past Monday, with the help of a few friends, whatever I was keeping has been moved into storage. This was by no means an easy task. Everything had to be viewed as" Will I need this in years ahead?" , "Will I have a use for this in 10 years time?"For this is not a short term storage plan but a long term plan. Some things were easy; like my books, cds and art supplies. The rest was based on purpose and usage. As of last weekend I was ready to burn it all or put up an ad that said come take what you want. I had enough of filling boxes and making decisions. I just wanted to start packing and get ready for my trip. Mostly, for once I wanted to know what it was like to be able to do nothing and enjoy some time relaxing.
Yet, I knew that I had to keep going, I really had no choice. For the hand was on the plow and in order to move forward the work had to be done. I think of the 12 who spent 3 years being prepared. What was another couple days for me. Once some more of my furniture was given away and I could start to see the emptiness growing, I felt a little better.
Monday was moving day. After 4.5 hrs of loading up a Sprint van, unloading and getting it placed properly into a 8 x 8.5 unit, it was done! It was able to get done due to Andre, John, Shannon and a my long time friend Amy, who arrived the day before after a 9 hr drive coming down from up North. Both my friend and I were extremely tired and sore from the day, for we were on both ends; loading & unloading. Having played sports, the saying of no pain, no gain came to mind. The gain that came from the pain was the fact that 95% of my stuff was now out of the apartment. The very little that is left needs to be separated into what is going on my trip, what is going to where I will be staying for the next few days and what is left will go into storage.
Today was cleaning day. Much of the credit for the apartment looking so clean is due to another friend who came to give Amy and I a hand. Carol dove right in and did the work of 2 people. She knew from talking with me the night before that I was worn out and that Amy & I were hurting units. The problem with a having a friend who was a former RN,one can't hide the exhaustion as well. However, on the other hand it is a great blessing to have some recognize the signs of a person ready to drop. She heard it in my voice and knew I soon going to hit the breaking point. Having very little sleep in the last several weeks did not help but with all that had to be done and covered there was really not much of a choice. For time was starting to run out. With a fresh person on hand the place was done in a few hrs.
After a coffee and a shower, the next step of preparing had to be done. Getting some clothes for my trip. If given a choice of packing boxes and shopping for clothes, I would gather pack boxes. I hate shopping for clothes! Didn't like it when I was younger, in my teens or as an adult. It is not a pleasant time for me. I would rather pet a snake than go clothes shopping. For those that know me, truly understand what I am saying about willing to pet a snake than shop for clothes. There really wasn't much of a choice. I need new tops for teaching. T-shirts and such were not going to cut it since I will be in a professional setting and there is a dress code to follow. Thankfully this wasn't too painful. Having the guidelines of want would be appropriate helped and the experience was soon over. Results some good tops to go with the skirts that I have.
The next stage of preparation is to get the suitcase packed, gifts bought, and my presentation ready. This is tomorrows agenda along with finishing the sorting of what is going where. With the hope of getting some sleep before flying out in 5 days.
If anything, the last 2 months, especially the last couple days, have shown me that preparation will be part of keeping my hand on the plow. That is as long as it keeps me moving forward and not looking back. For in reality, this is just a small part of the preparation of a much large picture. For what is to come is much bigger and will entail even more preparation in order to be ready. Thankfully that time is head of me and what has been done now has helped to prepare me for what will come.
Blessings,
Rim
For the last couple months much of my time has been spent in getting rid of items I no longer wanted, giving things away to people who could make use of them, setting forth the wheels for the possibility of returning to school to start my second degree in the fall, reuniting with people that I have been out of contact with since being in school, getting to know new people, preparing for my trip and much more such as the normal day to day stuff. All of this being part of the preparation that is needed before leaving.
It has been a long 2 months and I am feeling very worn out at this time. This past Monday, with the help of a few friends, whatever I was keeping has been moved into storage. This was by no means an easy task. Everything had to be viewed as" Will I need this in years ahead?" , "Will I have a use for this in 10 years time?"For this is not a short term storage plan but a long term plan. Some things were easy; like my books, cds and art supplies. The rest was based on purpose and usage. As of last weekend I was ready to burn it all or put up an ad that said come take what you want. I had enough of filling boxes and making decisions. I just wanted to start packing and get ready for my trip. Mostly, for once I wanted to know what it was like to be able to do nothing and enjoy some time relaxing.
Yet, I knew that I had to keep going, I really had no choice. For the hand was on the plow and in order to move forward the work had to be done. I think of the 12 who spent 3 years being prepared. What was another couple days for me. Once some more of my furniture was given away and I could start to see the emptiness growing, I felt a little better.
Monday was moving day. After 4.5 hrs of loading up a Sprint van, unloading and getting it placed properly into a 8 x 8.5 unit, it was done! It was able to get done due to Andre, John, Shannon and a my long time friend Amy, who arrived the day before after a 9 hr drive coming down from up North. Both my friend and I were extremely tired and sore from the day, for we were on both ends; loading & unloading. Having played sports, the saying of no pain, no gain came to mind. The gain that came from the pain was the fact that 95% of my stuff was now out of the apartment. The very little that is left needs to be separated into what is going on my trip, what is going to where I will be staying for the next few days and what is left will go into storage.
Today was cleaning day. Much of the credit for the apartment looking so clean is due to another friend who came to give Amy and I a hand. Carol dove right in and did the work of 2 people. She knew from talking with me the night before that I was worn out and that Amy & I were hurting units. The problem with a having a friend who was a former RN,one can't hide the exhaustion as well. However, on the other hand it is a great blessing to have some recognize the signs of a person ready to drop. She heard it in my voice and knew I soon going to hit the breaking point. Having very little sleep in the last several weeks did not help but with all that had to be done and covered there was really not much of a choice. For time was starting to run out. With a fresh person on hand the place was done in a few hrs.
After a coffee and a shower, the next step of preparing had to be done. Getting some clothes for my trip. If given a choice of packing boxes and shopping for clothes, I would gather pack boxes. I hate shopping for clothes! Didn't like it when I was younger, in my teens or as an adult. It is not a pleasant time for me. I would rather pet a snake than go clothes shopping. For those that know me, truly understand what I am saying about willing to pet a snake than shop for clothes. There really wasn't much of a choice. I need new tops for teaching. T-shirts and such were not going to cut it since I will be in a professional setting and there is a dress code to follow. Thankfully this wasn't too painful. Having the guidelines of want would be appropriate helped and the experience was soon over. Results some good tops to go with the skirts that I have.
The next stage of preparation is to get the suitcase packed, gifts bought, and my presentation ready. This is tomorrows agenda along with finishing the sorting of what is going where. With the hope of getting some sleep before flying out in 5 days.
If anything, the last 2 months, especially the last couple days, have shown me that preparation will be part of keeping my hand on the plow. That is as long as it keeps me moving forward and not looking back. For in reality, this is just a small part of the preparation of a much large picture. For what is to come is much bigger and will entail even more preparation in order to be ready. Thankfully that time is head of me and what has been done now has helped to prepare me for what will come.
Blessings,
Rim
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Getting Started
Back in April, shortly after graduating from college, many suggested that I start a blog so that they could follow where life is taking me. Well the last couple months have been extremely busy and chaotic. However, now as things are somewhat settling down, I am able to start a blog.
The title of the blog, Keeping the Hand on the Plow, is a reflection of the path that has been placed before me. It ties into a bible verse that suddenly became very clear to me one night after many years of not really understanding it. In order to understand, I will need to start the journey back to last year, back to October 2010 where it all began.
It was the beginning of October when I went for coffee with the Director of Field Education at college to talk over the possibility of internship for the next year for a BRE. After much discussion, she pointed out two things that she kept hearing; Mongolia and/or Bachelor of Theology of Missions. Once back in her office, we looked up the needed credits and requirements for a BTH Missions. When I got home, I sent off an email to an organization that I had looked into almost 2 years ago for the potential of working overseas teaching English. This was a good possibility for I had a BA and that was one of the requirements.This partnership started at the same time I was looking at getting into Bible College. During this time, one of my courses was The Gospel of Luke. It was here that a verse that I never fully understood started to become clearer. In class I had gained a better understanding of the meaning behind Luke 9: 62. It reads: " Jesus said to him, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." However, it was not till I was on the winter break from school that the truth of this verse became crystal clear to me.
While trying to get caught up on some much need sleep, the reality of this verse hit me one night. I was being called to a certain path and was being asked what was I going to do. Would I keep my hand on the plow and keep looking forward OR would I take my hand off the plow & I keep looking back. A decision had to be made, for whatever choice I made right then and there would affect my future. I have chosen to put my hand on the plow and look forward. This may seem like an easy choice but in it's reality it is not.
There has been bumps, trials and frustrations along the way since that decision was made. Having made the choice and realized what and where my calling was taking me,to Mongolia to teach English, it was a time of setting everything in motion. The time between October 2010 and January2011 was an extremely busy time of school and doing the much needed interviews and paper work . It was also a time of great highs and extreme lows.
The highs came from the many emails and phone interviews that were being done which seem to be confirming that I was on the right path. During this time there were only about 4 people , outside of college that was aware of what was going on. The only reason they knew was because they were asked to be references. For the most part I had kept what I was doing quiet. There was a lot happening and I wanted to be certain before I got this little bomb on those in my life. I was riding on a high with how everything was proceeding. Then the real world kicked in.
During this time the lows started kicking in and they kicked in hard and fast. There was the lost of a job, delays with EI,the struggles of paying the bills and just daily living, school stuff piling up which saw a dramatic drop in my marks, went from First Class Honours to below the Dean's List, and much more. To top it off, the documents that were sent to Denver as part of my application process were lost. According to the post office , they were in a black hole somewheres in the Denver post office. This was not good! Time was critical for everything needed to be done and taken care of before February if I was to leave in July for Mongolia.
Shortly after this, one night in December at my life group, it all came out. I was caught off guard when asked what was happening in my life. Normally, I would have prepared a way to let my group know without blurting it out but I was in such a low with everything that was happening to me that it all came stumbling out. It was quite a shock to them to realize that I was planning to be gone by July of this year. They have recovered since then and have been wonderful supporters in this journey. They were not the only ones caught off guard. My pastor was just as surprised especially since the last he knew I was Africa bound.
By the time the new year started it was obvious that my documents were not turning up and were now considered to be completely lost. So now a choice has to be made: do I look back or do I keep looking forward and trusting that He has the plans. Thanks to the organization that I am working with, they helped me keep looking forward. In a short time an answer came about that would keep me moving forward.
They had said that it is very rare that the documents get lost but had a solution. How did I feel about going to China this summer to be part of their Summer Teaching Program. After much reflection and time with Him, I came to realize that this was the next step. The 5.5 weeks in China assisting in teaching conversational English is my training ground to prepare me for Mongolia where I would be teaching English to high school teachers. The thought of teaching high school teachers did leave knots in my stomach, so having a chance to learn before being sent out to do this, is blessing to me.
So now the plow is moving forward in this path that has been set before me. As like anything else in my life there is no in between just extreme highs and extreme lows. Knowing that I would be gone for most of the summer, there were many decisions that had to be made. One of them was my apartment. With no job or even having a chance of one with me being away for so long, a choice had to be made. So before school ended I gave my 2 months noticed for my apartment and decided that if the hand was to be on the plow than a walk faith had to be lived. EI ran out at the beginning of May but the rent was covered and that was all that mattered. Yet somehow along the way the bills did get paid and there was groceries. Although it is getting a little more dicey now to keep everything covered. This is all part of walking in faith.
Just like trying to figure out what is happening for the fall when I get back from China. Many things were set in motion to take care of the fall, such as internship, place to live , school and so forth. It was all fitting into a neat little package. I had forgotten that my life does not fit into a neat little package. It never did and it probably never will. One by one the doors that I thought were part of this path were being shut. Getting a lot of "Nos" all at once can really do a person in. However, I can look back now and see that for each 'No' that was given has His hand on it. Each "No' that was given was being done to keep me moving & looking forward. I am blessed to have people in my life that are willing to listen to what He tells them and willing to support me and keep me moving forward according to His will.
So as I sit here surrounded by lots of packed boxes and listening to cds( they are always the last thing to get packed) there are many questions for the future especially for the fall. Will I get OSAP? Will it be enough to cover school? After house sitting for 2 weeks, where will I live? Will I raise enough funds in the next 5 months to get me to Mongolia? When I redo the tests, will they get lost again? Will I be able to find work? and many more. Although these questions keep popping up, I rest in the fact that it is not my worry at this time. These will be all answered when He is ready to answer them. It is all part and parcel of walking in faith and keeping the hand on the plow.
I know this was a fairly long blog but much needed to be written. Please bear in mind that how or what I write is being done so with the consideration to some of the areas that I will be heading into in the future. Like this summer. Out of respect for the organization, the people who I will be working with and the people I will be meeting, I have chosen my words very carefully. I ask that you do the same if you choose to leave a comment.
I am hoping to post on a fairly regular bases but it will all depend on the curves that life gives me. Till the next, keep looking forward and hold strong to your chosen path.
Blessings,
Rim.
The title of the blog, Keeping the Hand on the Plow, is a reflection of the path that has been placed before me. It ties into a bible verse that suddenly became very clear to me one night after many years of not really understanding it. In order to understand, I will need to start the journey back to last year, back to October 2010 where it all began.
It was the beginning of October when I went for coffee with the Director of Field Education at college to talk over the possibility of internship for the next year for a BRE. After much discussion, she pointed out two things that she kept hearing; Mongolia and/or Bachelor of Theology of Missions. Once back in her office, we looked up the needed credits and requirements for a BTH Missions. When I got home, I sent off an email to an organization that I had looked into almost 2 years ago for the potential of working overseas teaching English. This was a good possibility for I had a BA and that was one of the requirements.This partnership started at the same time I was looking at getting into Bible College. During this time, one of my courses was The Gospel of Luke. It was here that a verse that I never fully understood started to become clearer. In class I had gained a better understanding of the meaning behind Luke 9: 62. It reads: " Jesus said to him, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." However, it was not till I was on the winter break from school that the truth of this verse became crystal clear to me.
While trying to get caught up on some much need sleep, the reality of this verse hit me one night. I was being called to a certain path and was being asked what was I going to do. Would I keep my hand on the plow and keep looking forward OR would I take my hand off the plow & I keep looking back. A decision had to be made, for whatever choice I made right then and there would affect my future. I have chosen to put my hand on the plow and look forward. This may seem like an easy choice but in it's reality it is not.
There has been bumps, trials and frustrations along the way since that decision was made. Having made the choice and realized what and where my calling was taking me,to Mongolia to teach English, it was a time of setting everything in motion. The time between October 2010 and January2011 was an extremely busy time of school and doing the much needed interviews and paper work . It was also a time of great highs and extreme lows.
The highs came from the many emails and phone interviews that were being done which seem to be confirming that I was on the right path. During this time there were only about 4 people , outside of college that was aware of what was going on. The only reason they knew was because they were asked to be references. For the most part I had kept what I was doing quiet. There was a lot happening and I wanted to be certain before I got this little bomb on those in my life. I was riding on a high with how everything was proceeding. Then the real world kicked in.
During this time the lows started kicking in and they kicked in hard and fast. There was the lost of a job, delays with EI,the struggles of paying the bills and just daily living, school stuff piling up which saw a dramatic drop in my marks, went from First Class Honours to below the Dean's List, and much more. To top it off, the documents that were sent to Denver as part of my application process were lost. According to the post office , they were in a black hole somewheres in the Denver post office. This was not good! Time was critical for everything needed to be done and taken care of before February if I was to leave in July for Mongolia.
Shortly after this, one night in December at my life group, it all came out. I was caught off guard when asked what was happening in my life. Normally, I would have prepared a way to let my group know without blurting it out but I was in such a low with everything that was happening to me that it all came stumbling out. It was quite a shock to them to realize that I was planning to be gone by July of this year. They have recovered since then and have been wonderful supporters in this journey. They were not the only ones caught off guard. My pastor was just as surprised especially since the last he knew I was Africa bound.
By the time the new year started it was obvious that my documents were not turning up and were now considered to be completely lost. So now a choice has to be made: do I look back or do I keep looking forward and trusting that He has the plans. Thanks to the organization that I am working with, they helped me keep looking forward. In a short time an answer came about that would keep me moving forward.
They had said that it is very rare that the documents get lost but had a solution. How did I feel about going to China this summer to be part of their Summer Teaching Program. After much reflection and time with Him, I came to realize that this was the next step. The 5.5 weeks in China assisting in teaching conversational English is my training ground to prepare me for Mongolia where I would be teaching English to high school teachers. The thought of teaching high school teachers did leave knots in my stomach, so having a chance to learn before being sent out to do this, is blessing to me.
So now the plow is moving forward in this path that has been set before me. As like anything else in my life there is no in between just extreme highs and extreme lows. Knowing that I would be gone for most of the summer, there were many decisions that had to be made. One of them was my apartment. With no job or even having a chance of one with me being away for so long, a choice had to be made. So before school ended I gave my 2 months noticed for my apartment and decided that if the hand was to be on the plow than a walk faith had to be lived. EI ran out at the beginning of May but the rent was covered and that was all that mattered. Yet somehow along the way the bills did get paid and there was groceries. Although it is getting a little more dicey now to keep everything covered. This is all part of walking in faith.
Just like trying to figure out what is happening for the fall when I get back from China. Many things were set in motion to take care of the fall, such as internship, place to live , school and so forth. It was all fitting into a neat little package. I had forgotten that my life does not fit into a neat little package. It never did and it probably never will. One by one the doors that I thought were part of this path were being shut. Getting a lot of "Nos" all at once can really do a person in. However, I can look back now and see that for each 'No' that was given has His hand on it. Each "No' that was given was being done to keep me moving & looking forward. I am blessed to have people in my life that are willing to listen to what He tells them and willing to support me and keep me moving forward according to His will.
So as I sit here surrounded by lots of packed boxes and listening to cds( they are always the last thing to get packed) there are many questions for the future especially for the fall. Will I get OSAP? Will it be enough to cover school? After house sitting for 2 weeks, where will I live? Will I raise enough funds in the next 5 months to get me to Mongolia? When I redo the tests, will they get lost again? Will I be able to find work? and many more. Although these questions keep popping up, I rest in the fact that it is not my worry at this time. These will be all answered when He is ready to answer them. It is all part and parcel of walking in faith and keeping the hand on the plow.
I know this was a fairly long blog but much needed to be written. Please bear in mind that how or what I write is being done so with the consideration to some of the areas that I will be heading into in the future. Like this summer. Out of respect for the organization, the people who I will be working with and the people I will be meeting, I have chosen my words very carefully. I ask that you do the same if you choose to leave a comment.
I am hoping to post on a fairly regular bases but it will all depend on the curves that life gives me. Till the next, keep looking forward and hold strong to your chosen path.
Blessings,
Rim.
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